Is This Thing On?

Hello world! I was reminded that once upon a time I had a blog, after a great deal of guessing (as I had forgotten the name) I found it! After a little trip down memory lane, I thought I would take a second to say hi :) and update this private little diary of sorts. The kids have grown by leaps and bounds, big little guy is not so little anymore, he's ten and just shy of five feet tall. Princess is seven, talking and no longer considered non-verbal (Yay!). Little little guy is six, sweet and growing far too quickly. With all the kids in school, I have had to find ways to fill my days, briefly I worked overnights and spent my days snoring. Now I keep a normal schedule and help a find friend at her business, really I stand there and ask questions about what she is doing and why, not sure why she keeps me around. Hubs is doing well, stable in his job and hopefully happy with me. That is about it for now, maybe I'll be back before another 4 years roll by.

Stressed

This is going to come out all in a ramble and a bit whiny, there is your heads up. Reasons why the stress is getting to me...

The Heat

• We have no air conditioner, that we can use, Princess is afraid of the portable air conditioner. Which means we live with the heat. 
• We can not open windows without screens (we have 3, all in the front of the house), children try to climb out of them, throw toys out or the bugs come in for an indoor picnic. 
• We can not have just the screen door keeping our children in because the dear little 2 year old has figured out how to pull the screen out of the frame. 

Money

• We are closing on a house, have a family camping trip and two birthday parties all in the same 10 day period of time. Penny less is the term that comes to mind. 

Camping Trip

• Beyond the money issue and the lack of it. There is planning for a tent camping trip with three kids. (ages 6, 4, & 2) 
• Our 4 year old is non verbal and can be a flight risk, we have to balance wanting to alert people that there is a non verbal autistic person in the area and her privacy. 
• Our 2 year old thinks that running away and "out smarting" an adult is a game, often bolting from the house by any means possible. We live in "lock down" but he still gets out. 

House

• I admit this one is more stressful for the hubs as he is handling the paper work and bank communication. 
• Still we are buying a house we have lived in for 8 years. We know all the problems coming with the house and the romance is gone. It is far from a new place to us.

Birthday Parties

• This has it's own level of stress beyond money. Really the money is the minor issue. But that is as far as I'm comfortable explaining. 

The Everyday Stuff

• The things we have become used to dealing with all fall here. But we can lack of sleep in as well.

Alone

Loneliness has come to rest at our home. It's frustrating to struggle to find a babysitter for school events (that only allow 2 guest). Our list of people who could handle our children is cut down during the week, that list is short to start with.

Oh well this is life.

Not Important & Not Interesting

Often not adding much to what is going on around me. Just there, taking up space.

I won't lie, I do not go out of my way to let people into my "circle of trust", I'd rather keep everyone at arms length. To be truthful, I trust one person to know the whole me. [Let's hope he never screws that up... Not a heavy burden at all. Lose my trust and forever be the guy who made it impossible for me to open up to anyone. So glad that weight isn't on my shoulders.] Closed off isn't how I'd describe myself, private I suppose. That could make me uninteresting and unimportant to some. Fact is; I don't care. I like my life private. Odd as it may sound I enjoy being the quiet one who doesn't say much.

A Blog? Wait I Have A Blog??

Well looky here. Turns out I do in fact have a blog.

Now what do I have to say? Hmmm... this might be why my blog has sat untouched for four months. Poor lonely blog.

April is Autism Awareness month and I think I may be on pace for being the most annoying cause pusher on Earth and April is still a few hours away. I'm pretty sure that I would dance naked with a puzzle piece painted on me, if it would raise awareness. (Let's all quietly hope it never comes to that.) But instead I'm going to ask nicely that all my 11.5 readers wear blue on April 1st or 2nd ;)

Gee, George, remind me to enjoy life.

The Breath You Take

He looks up from second base dad’s up in the stands
He saw the hit, the run, the slide there ain’t no bigger fan
In the parking lot after the game he said
“Dad I thought you had a plane to catch”
He smiled and said “Yeah son I did”

Chours
Life’s not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain’t what it’s all about
Ya just might miss the point
Try’n to win the race
Life’s not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away

Fast forward fifteen years
And a thousand miles away
Boy’s built a life he’s got a wife
And a baby due today
He hears a voice saying “I made it son
He said “I told you dad you didn’t have to come”
He smiles and says ”Yeah I know you did”

Chours

Just like it took my breath when she was born
Just like it took my breath away when dad took his last that morn

Life’s not the breaths you take
The breathing in and out
That gets you through the day
Ain’t what it’s all about
Ya just might miss the point
If ya don’t slow down the pace
Life’s not the breaths you take
But the moments that take your breath away

It's the Climb

Amazing how music can simple say the words I can't find.