Six months ago, we had a therapy schedule that was difficult to keep straight but nothing like the one that we have now. We had people coming in and out of our house sometimes two hours of therapy in a day. Oh how those were the days. We were two days away from the big evaluation. Unsure of what to expect. How long would the appointment be? How would our newborn do while we were gone? How would our almost 2 year old react to these new people playing with her? Would she melt down and need time to regroup? Would she show her skills like she would at home? Would we even be able to find the place we needed to go?
Our newborn was fine while we were gone, our two year played and did not melt down. She showed her skills like she would at home. We found the place just fine. We got no answers that first day, only left to wonder for a week what the results might be. May 5th, the day it was official. Autism took over, we figured out how to increase the already invading numbers of people coming in and out of our house. We focused on what was best for our child and tried to decide what therapies to add next. We mourned the child we still had held out hope for. And dealt with the fact that our child was different. Odd to say that we mourned our living child. Today I can tell you I celebrate her. She is a gift! An eye opening gift into a world I never would of seen before. How leaves on the ground can make so many different sounds. How water feels running over your hand. To see the world through her eyes is like looking at a different world. How clothing feels to the touch. How birds sing in the sky, how grass feels on your feet. The things you notice.
In six months things have changed. I have changed, things I once cared about are not as important. My children are alive, they are well and they are adored! Autism or not, my child is learning and I am learning from her. The world is beautiful so long as you stop and look! Autism no longer runs our lives. We run it and Autism better watch out, because we're coming to kick it's bum!
I love you. You and Bella are both amazing.
ReplyDeleteEvery time I read your post I just realize how amazing you are...and how lucky your daughter is to have you as her strong, wonderful, supportive, and loving mother!!!
ReplyDeleteI know I tell you all the time how lucky Bella is to have you but after reading that post I realize just how lucky you are to have Bella. Things may not be the way you expected but like you said you'll never look at the world the same way again. And simply knowing you makes me lucky.
ReplyDeleteI think you are both so lucky. What a beautiful blessing Bella is!
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